How do you know when it's THE ONE!

I asked my mother, "How do I know if he's the one?" My head was spinning, my palms were sweating, my heart was pounding. Not over the guy, but over the decision. I needed to figure this out! I was about to make one of the most important decisions in my life. Mum's answer was not at all satisfactory. She simply said, "Oh you'll just know, you'll just know." But that was the thing - I didn't just know. As a professor, I would have graded the advise a flat F.

I had been dating a guy for almost 2 years. It was a deepening friendship. It seemed like we were on the path for marriage; all the signs were there: lot's of time together, lots of talking on the phone, challenging each other's life goals, sorting out if we aligned, trying to get past the heady emotions to find rational reasons to understand our desire for being together - forever. But it wasn't just that. The confusion showed up because my old boyfriend, who I'd loved for years, and hadn't fallen out of love with, showed up-- on my door asking me to marry him!!! For years I had pined in a love-sick way for him, and now here he was! He didn't know about the other guy, or anything about my personal life, we had lost contact years ago. So, I was in a dilemma: I was in love with both of these guys, one of whom I thought was lost to history, so life was moving on without him! It was a nightmare! My mother teased, "many a young girl would be glad of that nightmare"! I wasn't - head spinning, sweaty palms, heart pounding was not my thing. I insisted she tell, "How do I know"? I can only hear Whitney Houston in my ears right now! Well - she couldn't answer, but let me answer it because I've found out the secret and it's actually really, REALLY simple.

Three Tiny Little Steps to the Altar

To all you folks out there looking for the secret, here it is:

1. Can you be your authentic self before him?

2. Can he be his authentic self before you?

3. Do you get along?

   
   

Yes on No. It's that simple. If you have this, you will find it easy to love one another and be able to weather any storm together.

[Do you agree? Answer the poll below]

But I still was faced with a dilemma. I felt I could answer Yes to all 3 questions about both men.

So now what?

The Power of prayer

I did what I usually do when I'm stuck - pray my way out of it. I asked the Lord to pick the man for me. "Whoever you choose Lord, that'll be my man." I asked him to make my heart and mind completely dull for one of these guys and completely besotted with the other - no grey area allowed. And to make sure everything lined up nicely, I also asked the Lord to make only one guy completely besotted with me, and the other completely dull towards me, and I asked the Lord to triple-check that his dull vs besotted directions didn't get mixed-up!

It was Easter weekend and both men would be at the same Easter service as me. It was time. Someone was dying this Easter (romantically), never to be resurrected again! Both men were fully aware of my dilemma and both offered to help in any way to ease the burden, except by leaving!!

I walked into the Easter service that day with the old boyfriend who I'd loved for years! He knew me well, probably better than anyone then. He knew all my faults and foibles, which the newer guy was yet to learn about. My new(er) boyfriend was in the choir, which stood by the altar singing Easter songs joyfully. I knew in an instant who it was to be and I was actually quite surprised. It was not who I thought it was. I had already let my new (of almost 2 years) boyfriend know that I was likely to reunite with my long lost love. But as he graciously waited, and feverishly prayed, the Lord made it unequivocally plain to me. There was now only one person in my heart and mind, the world seemed to stop, and two people were in it, everything else just melted away. I was brought back to reality by being elbowed in my side, "Is that Andy up there," asked my old boyfriend. "Yes" I said, looking as flushed as a young girl after her first kiss. "He's handsome," he said with a wink. We both knew, at that moment, that we would be parting ways and that my life would be with Andy. And my old boyfriend? . . . well, I guess I was a part of his journey, and he was a part of my journey to finding the one who the Lord had chosen for me, a man who is authentic, like I am, and we get on like a match made in heaven.

Three Little Words

1. Authentic

2. Pray

3. Trust

What do you think?

Is authenticity essential for good a marriage?

• Yes
• No